Where the heck do I even begin? As of now, you've probably caught us in the middle of our journey. For the last several months I have been thinking of getting all of my thoughts and feelings down on paper...a blog seemed a second great idea, not only because I can type faster than I can write, but because it would be nice to meet a couple who might have dual diagnoses as well.
Or a couple who might be using donor sperm/donor egg/or donor embryo. I originally thought it would be a cute idea to write letters to our future children, hence the title "Our Journey to You". A blog/book...whatever...Documenting each struggle we went through, so I'll probably drop in and out of different writing styles. Bare with me as I figure this journey out...as well as this new blog.
It's been a rough few days. Mostly trying to think through how we're going to come up with another $3,500 dollars to give IUI a second try.
But I'm exhausted. I don't want to work harder than I already do. I already work 6 days a week. I love my job, don't get me wrong, but it's enough to pay the bills and have a little extra at the end of the month. While we wait for things to settle towards the end of summer beginning of fall I think we'll have a garage sale to help raise some money between now and...well...whenever.
I used to just save whatever change and $1 bills I had left over from the week, now I am going to save whatever I have left in my wallet at the end of week. Come Sunday, no matter what all the money will go into the IUI pot.
Luckily, I do see a therapist...which insurance covers...(you know because they'd rather let me be sad about not having a baby then help me have a baby.) Her advice this week, don't do anything you don't want to do. Don't obsess about logging your food, just feel what you are feeling. Accept the emotions as they come. Cry. But most importantly let yourself grieve.
So this week, I'm drinking the wine, eating the popcorn, and just allowing myself to find little ways to take care of myself. All while trying to renovate our house. Oh vey.
This was a random spattering of a post. I promise in the weeks/months to come they'll have more structure. For now...I'm learning to be still...and not go crazy.