Yesterday was the latter, but today as I finally sent off the the Gonal-F rebate, I realized that the IUI Fund will double here shortly. Which is good news! However, it sent me into a tail spin for when I might actually have the money together.
For a solid hour I was thinking about what could I start selling. Almost hating that I couldn't start on it right that second.
I was just getting so excited...
It reminded me though of a blog post or a comment I read some where...which I can't seem to find...about how suffering and battling through infertility you almost don't know what choices to make.
'If we buy a new house, how many bedrooms? I would like 3 if we do have kids but if we don't I need something smaller. Too big reminds me of my heartache...'
I started thinking about all the bills we have too. While the total number of our debt lowered this month it's still quite a bit. I want to pay for our next cycle, in it's entirety by myself...in cash. No, maxing out my credit cards, no draining our savings. Just straight cash.
Trusting God will bring us the money, help us find the money...that it will be there...but yet not knowing how to plan my life.
'Do I sign up for races in October, when will we have enough money? I've recently started eating dairy again, when should I give that up, again?'
I think that pretty much accurately describes my feelings...
So, take a breath, remember the good...speak life into my situation.
There's a chance this may work for us. Just have to find the right mix of medication, to date- I have not been told that this won't work.
If you need a few more reminders check out Lisa Appleo's Post 6 Truths for When God hasn't answered your prayer yet.