Saturday, July 25, 2015

Struggle Bus

(The Chivery)

Boy oh boy am I riding the struggle bus tonight.Yesterday was a VERY Long day...I had the worst call.
A woman who took over my position at my former place of employement called to head hunt me earlier in the week. While flattered, I knew that-that was a place I could NEVER go back too. 
We had just gotten C's diagnosis and I needed the room to breath at a new place where I wouldn't be faced with the struggle to deal with, one of the worst jobs on the planet, and heal. 

This woman kept talking about how they're struggling because their so busy and she's working 12 hour days, I politely told her that I was grateful for the offer but I did not have the extra time in my schedule. 

She then proceeded to say "I know people leave jobs for lots of different reasons. Everyone here has said nothing but nice things about you. I heard you left because you were trying to have a baby, and I wanted to let you know that I know some natural remebies that can help with that."

I. was. completely. flabbergasted. I can count the number of people that knew our journey when I left that job, on one hand. Irritated with myself for trusting people. Mad because this woman had the gall to say something even though she doesn't know me from Adam...deep breath.

I had no clue what to say. No words came to mind.

I mumbled through something like "Well people like to talk, don't they?" & steered the conversation in a different direction.

The story goes on from there, but I had a friend who suggested saying "Thanks for your interest and misguided support, but next time please know that what you say can be..(insert word)...and know that sometimes the best thing to say is...(fill in the blank)..."

How do you know when to become an advocate and when to keep quite? Probably another reason I've started the blog. To help me discover this voice. 

Some days I absolutely want to shout from the rooftops "WE STRUGGLE WITH FERTILITY! TAKE NOTICE, but know we are okay! But be advised it's a struggle" and other days I barely even think about it. 

The other seat on the bus I have been occupying is the money one. To date I have just over $500 saved for our next round, but then I had this thought. 

I could pay off two bills with that money. Two less debts that we would have to worry about. The thought of spending that money almost infuriates me. However, in the back of my mind, I know it's a better idea to go into this with the least amount of debt as possible. 

So, here I sit. Sitting on my advocacy and money seats. Trying to figure out what to do. Or not do. Until then...just relax, unwind, and enjoy the weekend.


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