For months I've been dreading them coming. Not that I have ill will towards them or don't like their characters, their amazing people, with extraordinary strength for life.
I've been dreading their arrival, for one simple reason, they stated "as soon as we get back to the states, we can't wait to start a family."
I was really hoping that if I can't get pregnant in my house, that they would also choose to not get pregnant in my house.
This morning as I was eating my breakfast, at about 7:45am, I asked Ms. Fitness if she had any upcoming events. She said no, that she would wait two years before getting back into competition shape. "It's time for us to have kids. He wants to get me pregnant." Almost kind of rolled her eyes a little bit and chuckled...I may have imagined that part..."But no, really, it's time."
I had no idea what to say. "Oh!" Eyes cut left to stare out the suddenly interesting window in my kitchen.
I may need to find a way to tell her that I am happy for them & this next step in their lives, but I'm not sure how to exactly go about it telling them, that right now, talking about someone NATURALLY trying to conceive is a painful conversation to have right now.
We're not super close but they do know about both of our diagnoses, we may act okay, but inside it's still hard.
What I need to do is figure out how to NOT let the devil steal my joy between now and the end of our story. It's a constant battle to choose happiness over sadness, to choose joy over anger. To find blessings and not be bitter...
I have discovered two amazing songs this week, that I can't stop playing on repeat...the first was played at Church as we study 10 journeys of the people in the bible, who most people now a days...wouldn't have looked at twice.
Hopefully these songs help you as much as they are helping me.
That and some Lecrea on Pandora also REALLY helps. Something about rap music just REALLY does it for me, lol.