I'm not even sure what I'm feeling right now. Yesterday, rather last night was a fury of emotion. I discovered late last night while I was getting ready for my day today that the man (and his wife) that I had basically taken my statement of faith with, passed away on Thursday. In a car crash.
I never was able to meet him, because after the church service where I reaffirmed my belief in God, I went out to lunch with a friend. I only knew good things about him and what he did in our community. I was heartbroken yet more concerned for the peoples lives that he impacted every day. The inner city kids he brought hope too, his own kids, his church goers.
Just, at an utter loss for words.
In trying to I guess put some semblance to my feelings I started poking around online for articles and came across some incredibly moving and hope filled articles about an adoption story.
I saved the website and then turned my light out to go to bed. Just as I had clicked the light off, C's phone rang. It was a buddy of his. It was after midnight and we were worried something bad happened. Albeit his buddy was a bit...of...well, he was 3 sheets to the wind and feeling like he needed to get something off his chest.
He said "If anything ever happens to me, we want you to be the Godparents to our daughter. We think you guys would make great parents." He just went on with compliments and, well as someone whose imbided a bit, was circling.
I think most guys, not all--which is fine, but most guys don't come to their feelings naturally. They brush it off or wait till it's too late. Bury it. Whatever they have to do to put it in a box and deal with it later or never at all.
As he kept saying we'd make great parents, I started to cry. In the midst of our waiting, in the midst of our pain. Someone was reaching out to us to let us know that they think, even though we don't have kids of our own yet, that we would make great parents. That we could be great stand-ins if anything happened to them.
Aside from the the religious and legal undertones, God parenting to me is a big deal to me. I had some growing up and they were great people. But to be there for a child during what could be a great journey of faith, or to be stand ins if something happened to their parents.
Tears. Just years of joy that someone thought we would be good parents someday. That we are good people.
As I was texting the wife about her hubby she laughing said "yeah we talked about it, but we wanted to ask and it wasn't suppose to be a drunk dial!"
So I guess we haven't officially actually been asked yet, so I can't say officially that I have a God daughter...or whether it's a God daughter by proxy as it is my hubby's friend who asked, but I hope that within the next few weeks we'll be able to sit down and really talk about what this means. I'm filled with joy and sadness.