"When are you going to have babies" My client
"I have formulated the perfect response for that-"
"NO?" They asked laughingly.
"No, not no. We would love some but unfortunately we're having to take the long way around?"
"What does the long way around mean?"
As much as you can practice fake conversations in your head, sometimes you don't cover all the bases. But I said...
"It means we've been trying for a while but we're basically on a break right now."
"Well has he had his sperm count tested?"
"At this stage in the game, we've had it all tested. Our options will cost us anywhere between $3,000 and $30,000 to build our family, that's including adoption. So for now, we're just kind of on a break."
"Have you thought about foster adoption?"
I wish I could take Brandy's Post from Sweet Aroma about "Why We're not 'just' adopting" with me every where I go. This girl writes the post so beautifully. I need to memorize and educate people when they suggest the same question.
"For some reason it is assumed that if you want kids and can't get pregnant right away, automatically God is calling you to adopt. Obviously, Joel (her husband) and I feel called to adopt. We did before infertility was ever part of our story. But even still the timing and the child and the means must be on His timing and His leading.... not the automatic result of us not getting pregnant."
Quite honestly, I'm thinking about posting it to my Facebook page.
Fostering is great. Some people are called to do it and that's amazing, God bless you. We need more people out there like you. That is just not our story right now. And quite honestly we have been through to much already for a child to be placed in our home for it be possibly taken away. In the future I might have more strength to be a foster parent but we are still a little raw from being told biological children are NOT a possibility AND our first negative IUI. "the thought of taking in a child, loving it as my own, and having it stripped from me makes me want to hyperventilate. I'm not saying I wouldn't do it if it's what the Lord asked of me... I'm just saying it's not for everyone. Adopting is a huge process." ~Brandy
But I digress.
I said half as much to my client. "Fost-to-adopt is a great option but we don't want to be put in a position where we would have to give a child up right now, should they be able to go back home. When we have children we would like for them keeps."
My client then says "Kids are great, but they are so much work. It's perfectly okay to not have any."
I replied with "Everyone with kids says that. For now we are just asking for prayers and kind thoughts" What I should have said is "Everyone who finds it easy to breed says that." Because it appears as if they don't appreciate the struggle as much. Also from now, HENCE FORTH (lol), everyone who has NO trouble getting pregnant and has stupid responses or questions will now be referred to as a breeder.
I then made it a point to change the subject. "What are you doing this weekend."
It worked, it was the last we talked about my sex life.
Well, as of last night at the garage sale we made $77 (technically, as a family member still needs to pick up a bag of clothes), but every little bit helps. Plus the 60 we got for watching a family members dog over the weekend AND include the money we'll get back from selling the car then, our IUI savings will be up to $637! Hopefully today and tomorrow will go well. Trusting and not expecting. Sigh, I can do this, right?
For now, here's the random music that I came across that might help bring some encouragement for your day.
Don't judge, it's from a Disney Nature movie about bears. Who doesn't love a good Disney tune though, amIright?