Thursday, September 17, 2015

Giving up/Giving In

Today I wanted to share a short post on seem really neat articles I've been reading about celebrities who have been dealing with or do go through some fertility issues, but I might save that for a different day. 

Today, all I'm focused on is my husband. It has not been a good martial day for us. I'm not completely sure why. It all started over a bottle of vitamins, really. I am trying to get us back into the routine of taking vitamins. My husband has a lot of pain through his body due to the very strenuous nature of his job, and he is often fatigued. We've been to multiply doctors. Thinking it might be Chronic Fatigue, Fibromygalia. We did this before and after our fertility treatments. 

Nothing, every doctor we've seen has come up with a whole lot of nothing. Other doctors in the past have come up with depression, but he says he doesn't feel hopeless, he doesn't feel depressed. His body just aches and cramps and hurts. 

I believed if nothing else, get him started eating healthier (because whether he admits it or not, he has kind of a crap diet.) and to have him start taking Turmeric and a B complex vitamin. Normally I set them beside his breakfast plate so he'll remember. This morning I forgot. I attempted to put them in his lunch box, saying 'you need to take these. Just take them with you.'

He said "You need to start remembering to give them to me with breakfast."

I came back with "So I have to be your mom then?"

After he left I chucked the vitamin bottle across the hallway. I felt like a child. Felt guilty for giving into the anger. 

And the day has spiraled down from there, through a mix up at the bank and a few tense text messages. 

The last text I sent was "Can we start this day over?"

What else can I do? What else is a wife to do? Whether he believes he's depressed or not, one thing is for sure, he won't feel better unless he...FEELS better. I need to remember to take this one day at a time. 

He was SO good a protecting me and helping me and being what I needed when this first started. How can I do the same for him? 

This song keeps bouncing through my head

I'm going to stick with my current game plan. Take a walk Sunday morning...hopefully I can get him out of bed early enough. As well as try to have a fire pit night once the yard is done, on Sunday. I'm going to schedule him a massage next week. Start tomorrow off on a better foot. And try to continue to be positive. To speak life into each situation so it doesn't seem so overwhelming. I struggled with the depression, I guess it's finally just hit him. 

Each a positive step in the right direction hopefully. 


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