One thing is for sure I have reached my max. I broke yesterday but I also started my cycle. This week just hurt. Sunday, I went to a family fun attraction with my mom for a work event, of hers. While, I love going to this every year and look forward it, I realized that, had our IUI worked, we would have been annoucing this month or next. Is that dumb to think like that?
I had this vision of how I would do the cute little announcement with a pumpkin...
I just need to let it go. We're still scraping to save, tackling our construction zone, living with family, I just am done. I have reached my max.
Then realizing with how overwhelmed I am. I need to let go of control. I need to let go of what could have been and the if's, and whatever else it is that is holding me back from remembering joy. I needed a day, and while I've taken my moments a few hours at a time, I just really need a day.
An entire day to sit, and not think. Not wonder. To let, go.
So instead of announcing something exciting, I am eating chocolate. Having a glass of wine, and after the family leaves next week, I am hunkering down and netflexing. For a solid 4 hours.
For one minute, PCOS does not have me. For one minute my husband does not have azoospermia. We're just C & C. Happy to even be near each other.