Monday, September 14, 2015

When He Has Depression:: An infertility journey

I have so much on my mind and not enough time to write about it. All my posts are turning into late night meanderings it seems.

Bible study started again today. It was nice to see everyone, but tough as well. Everyone talking about how their kids are growing and they want to say prayers for raising change makers and world leaders and strong believers.

While I sat and still wondered if I'd ever be able to contribute to that. Yes, I will pray for their children. Yes, I do love them all, but still it sits like a rock in your gut until you know for sure, how you'll be contributing to that conversation for future conversations to come.

It's hard not to get lost in the what if. I also went back to therapy today. It was good. C and I have been off lately and I haven't been able to put my finger on it. After talking with my therapist she noted, as she is not his therapist, but as I talked more about him that it sounds like he is also dealing with some depression. How could I not have seen this? And what can I do to help? I am going to plan specific fun event that lift his spirit, I will also try to be the helper that he needs me to be.

I know he's overwhelmed with life. Not just because over our current situation but he is feeling the burden of taking care of our house, our lives, our finances. Taking care of me and protecting my emotions and safe guarding my heart.

How did I not recognize the pattern for his mood/behavior? Probably wrapped in my world trying to make myself better but not reaching out hand out to him to check to make sure he's okay.

Tonight I made my first step in helping him. Knowing he is struggling with sleep, I suggested taking some melatonin to help him sleep more soundly. I promised a lazy foot rub. Then suggested a nice walk on Sunday morning. Light and easy. LOL,  I even promised we didn't have to talk. He seemed to perk up a bit. He's a head strong man I know, and knowing that I married a man of little words but defintiely a lot of action, I know I need to speak his launguage back to him.

I need to show him (which is an action) rather then tell him about love and light these next few weeks. And leave the rest up to God. Pray for his health.

I found two INCREDIBLE articles about dealing with spousal depression. The first is from Focus On the Family, How to Help When Your Spouse Is Depressed.

And Helping a Spouse with Depression. Overcoming Depression to Have a Happy Marriage, from the Dating Divas. 

Numbers 8 and 9 in the second portion of helping your cope are going to be key in my marriage I think. He's bound to tell me, when I ask "How can I help?" he'll respond with "C, I'm just fine."

I'm a fixer...that's what I do, I guess. Or rather, I'm a doer. I'm sort of manish in that aspect. I'm terrible and just listening. I automatically try to figure out how I can help, or what I can do to fix. But having gone through...actively walking through depression, I know that it has to come from within. It's times like these you really figure out how to be your own hero.  I will do what I can, but leave the rest up to God. Or rather give it all to God and assist where I'm my heart is lead to help.

Well for now, it's DEFINITLEY bed time. Good night, sleep tight. Thank you for reading and being with us on this journey.


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