Thursday, October 1, 2015

How Jared Padaleckis "Always Keep Fighting Campagin Helped my Infertility Struggle"

It was a whirlwind of a morning. I was with my dog this morning, otherwise known as Ms. B, when I tapped on the breaks and she went FLYING off of the bench seat in the back of my car. Okay, she didn't FLY so much as ROLL, but the sound she made after landing on the floor, had my heart in my throat and tears in my eyes. I immediately took her up to the vet, where after exaiming her said that she was perfectly fine and after an xray, she has some arthritis starting. Which is normal for a dog her age. After a $176 bill and some NSAID doggie medication, we were off. The couches are barred with coffee tables and a baby gate, as to encourage her to stay on the floor.

Luckily she sleeps A LOT so I don't have to worry about whether she'll be bopping up and down around the house a ton.

Ugh...I have a very good friend who told me to name 10 positive things today. To help bring me out of my post fake heart attack funk. While some days this is easier then others, it worked. I only named about 8 in total but still it did lift me just a little bit.

1. My brother (whose currently deployed) got his birthday package today. He'll have to wait to open it but he did get the package on time!
2. My dog is not dead. (This sounds morbib but I promise it's just my personality. That probably didn't sound any better. When I say my dog is not dead what it translate to in normal people lanuage is "I'm glad she is healthy.")
3. The weather is beautiful
4. I have good friends
5. My in-laws are moving out today! I will have my house back to myself this weekend. more night and THEN they'll be gone. Okay, not gone...just at their own place. With their animals. Not at my house. Where I will now be able to walk around in my underwear again, and not have to worry about putting clothes back on as soon as I get out of the shower to run back to my bedroom. (I could probably name 10 positive things about them moving out...but I won't. They're good people. It's just SO HARD to live with others, sometimes.)
6.  I have running water (Sometimes I have to take it down to basics when it comes to counting my blessings, because sometimes I don't remember just how good I have it.)
7. I have a house. That we own.
8. The internet, Where I can watch hysterical videos such as this one. It's probably my favorite.

I don't know if it's the reduction in carbs or watching my sugars which might also have me down but I just can not shake this heavy grey cloud. The list helped. My friend wanted 10 total but I can probably name 2 more by the end of the day.
The day is still young. After all it's only 6pm.

I have been thinking about depression itself though. Jared Padalecki from Supernatural has a campagin called Always Keep Fighting.  He's released a few shirts to help support causes such as "To Write Love on Her Arms"  which is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people who are struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide. An amazing orgnanization.

I have never known depression like I have as an adult. I have always struggled with anxiety, and some depression as a child...but as an adult...I just guess I feel it more intensly? I don't know,

Although, I probably have somewhat of a mild case...I started seeing a therapist last year who diagnosed me as "Adjsutment Disorder with Depressed Mood" is a short-term form of depression that can occur in the aftermath of various traumatic changes in your normal life, including divorce, retirement, loss of a job and the death of a relative or close friend.

Two years ago it was bad. I had mood swings and cried all the time. I was starting to come out of it last year as I was more focused on living life and running and figuring out what next steps C & I were going to take for our fertiltiy journey, but it has just returned with force these last few weeks. I'm doing what I can to take care of myself. Sending time in prayer has helped. Immensly. 
Reading blog posts. And then quotes like these....from Jared Padalecki himself. 

And then opening up about his own struggle on E! News.  I even purchased the shirt from the second launch. 

I love this shirt. It REALLY reminds me to stay in the light and remember what is good. To take care of myself. Taking care of myself helps with my anxiety. Everyday. 

There's this quote...although in this particular pin it's on a few Walking Dead pictures, it was a Supernatural Quote. Either way...both shows are great and the quote applies!

I remind myself of this when I think "It might just be, just us two." That we are a family. I get to take care of the family I do have. I have AMAZING friends, now...but I'll post about this in a different post. I do have a great family. 

Reminders like these always help me Keep Fighting.

Fight on!

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