Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Weather the storm through visualizations

I'm sorry I haven't posted lately. I have been dealing with quite a bit of anger/frustration and quite honestly bitterness with out journey these past two weeks.

Could it be the 700 Facebook announcements of people adding to their already growing families? Or the fact that I've been sticking to a healthier diet and sugar has been missing from my diet? Which isn't bad...just goes to show that it really does have a drug like effect, detoxing?
Either's been a rough week.

It could be that we pushed back our timeline for our next IUI. We're thinking May 2016. Very discouraging having to wait longer, but C spoke life into the situation, saying next year, with things paid off, if the 2nd round doesn't work, then we'll be able to try again right away next year. Shorten the wait time. That helped to hear.

On another note, I so desperately want to be there for my friends who are going through this joyous season of their lives, but it's a delicate balance of joy for them and protection for myself. But I know myself enough, have been on this journey long enough, that I know when to say "hey this week is bad, can we talk about your joy next week?" Always making sure to check in with them. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how cool with it they all are. This journey is hard enough, but having uneasy footing with your friends is just another knife in the heart.

One thing that I have started doing though is just imaging whatever it is that I am feeling, stressing about, frustrated with, feel no control over--I imagine that the issue is the size of my palm. Then I lift it up to God. My struggle that I am battling, I hand it all over to Him. It helps. It helps in the moment. I do struggle with letting it completely go, so sometimes I have to hand it to Him again, but it helps me every time.

 On another note I did start reading "The Longest Ride". It's helped. I'm only a 3rd of the way through the book, but at least I know what to expect form the story. I almost started crying when I finally got to read the part of Ira's story where he told Ruth, that he couldn't have children. But knowing how it ends, I can't wait to unfold the book (it's on my nook, but you get my drift.) to see how the characters face their circumstances. How Ira and Ruth continue to love and choose to love each other, with God's help.

Total Savings: $193.41 (not including the car money--once it gets fixed and sold)
New IUI Timeline: May 2016

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