Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Yesterday was rough

Yesterday was a rough day. Although it was our dating anniversary, it wasn't much of a celebration. The day started out fine but a very good friend of mine also went into labor. While I desperately cling to one of the last reminders of our solitude I also wanted to be there for my friend. Although, living a few states away, there wasn't much I could do.
Other than send the biggest thing which is send prayers but also send encouraging text messages...although...I don't know how helpful they were.

The point of the story was, as happy as I am for them...still anxiously awaiting to see if it's pink or blue...I was having a tough time with it yesterday.

There was 1 thing I was certain of yesterday though.

Taking Plunder from the Devil. As Charlotte Gimble said in her sermon about having realizing her 7th round of medicine didn't bring her any closer to having a baby she still went on to preach that night about taking plunder from the devil. I knew I needed to be happy yesterday. That I wasn't going to let sadness and anger and whatever else I might be feeling take over my emotions. I concentrated on one task at time. I made a great healthy lunch. I made a delicious crock pot meal for C & I for dinner to celebrate our official dating anniversary. I wasn't going to give into chocolate or sugar cravings.

What I might not have mentioned was that I have...well I've talked about how much I just LOVE to eat. After being diagnosed with PCOS I was able to take a bit of weight off and got to the healthiest I had ever been in my life. I've back slid quite a bit over the last few months or so. I really want to get back on track. I don't want to the devil to pursade me that food is my comfort when God is and should be my comfort. I did a TON of praying yesterday. I also distracted myself with cooking, and listening to music, and watching some shows that I knew wouldn't remind me of what I so desperately seek from the Lord.

I made a conscious decision to Rejoice with those who were rejoicing yesterday. Be thankful for their little miracle.

And boy did it get even more tough after I got home last night. My beautiful, handsome cat, whom I've had since I was about 9 years old. Has started the stages of passing away. He's not doing well. Not eating much. But drinking a ton of water. Seems incredibly disorientated. 
It was only a matter of time. He is 18 after all. But after finding blood in his vomit last night, I'm not sure how much longer he'll be here with me on this earth. I cried. Boy did I cry. 

But I didn't give into the food. 

Prayed all night, that if the Lord was going to take to please take him fast and with little pain as possible. The only thing I was certain of yesterday, was even though I was sad my God was a big God. I'm taken care of and loved by him.

I had to put a cat down 2 years ago. I'm not looking to repeat that experience again anytime soon. That is one of the WORST feelings in the entire world. Knowing Mr. T I know that he would want to die at home. But with dignity. And with love. 

He seemed better this morning when I woke, but I am unsure how the rest of his day has been. I had to come into work today. Hoping to leave early. 

Yesterday was rough.

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