Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Christmas Doesn't Have to Be...

Christmas doesn't have to be about having a baby.
It doesn't have to be about feeling inadequate.
It doesn't mean you're not complete.
It doesn't mean that you're not whole.

If you're struggling with infertility, this holiday is almost the worst. Someone is going to post a dumb picture of small shoes under the Christmas (if you've done this, it's actually a great idea, very cute...but speaking from a bitter point, dumb is what came out.) Tree indicating that their Christmas present will soon be arriving.

I came across this pin today, a quote from Andy Rooney

The mess on Christmas doesn't even have to be from wrapping or bows, it can be from food! It can be from Holiday DVD cases strewn throughout the living room. It could be blankets everywhere, it could animal hair in all the corners. Make your beautiful mess this Friday with your own definition of family.

There is joy on Christmas.

Awhile ago I started referring to my husband and I as a family. A small, modest family of two, with a few animals...well now only 1, but we're a family none-the-less.

There's my side of the family. Mom, dad, brother, sister, but also their dogs, and significant others. Or my husbands side of the family...that side is always a little harder to celebrate. As hard as it Christmas shopping for other peoples young children, it is nice to see their faces as they realize what we got them.

Also, I'm having a secret competition with myself to become the favorite aunt. So far, I think I'm winning, lololol.

Also, only because I've started coaching them. "Whose your favorite aunt? Say you!"

I did receive a story of hope late last week that I would like to share with you, but I will have to save it for my next post.

Christmas doesn't have to mean pain and it doesn't have to mean being a couple with a child. It can mean whatever you want it to as you celebrate it with friends, family, and even your pets.

With love,

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Taking a risk

The truth is I manage another blog online. But wanted to keep it separate from this blog. If you haven't made the connection that's really okay. And if you have I ask that you just wink my way and don't say a word.


The reason why I mention this is because my husband lost a close family member two weekends ago. It was an incredibly rough week for us as we also put my cat down as well.

The reason why I post about this, because the loss of my husbands family member made it all the more difficult by our infertility diagnosis. One of the only children left to not have produced offspring. As the pastor talked about a way to leave a legacy, a way to remember someone we looked up, is to honor that person by passing down that legacy to your children.

While it can be pointed out that we could leave a legacy of this family members big heart through giving back to the community, to the nieces, and nephews we have, some how it still hurts. I couldn't help but think about how it will be easier for other family members who get to go home and watch life happen before their eyes. To watch little ones grow. To move on.

My husband spoke of, after the death, in our own private moment, when he told his loved one about when he told them that we couldn't have kids...at least biological ones...this family member looked to the bright side. "There's always adoption".

Now we are throwing ourselves into projects, being with friends, and spending time with our doggie girl.

She started looking for T the other day. Turns out the doggie girl doesn't like having the house to herself as much as she thought she wanted.

It was a good decision to let go of my aging friend. My friend whom I met when I was 10. Whose veins were failing when I took him in. My friend who I spent countless nights pouring my soul too. My friend whom I fed a salmon fillet the night before the appointment. My friend who always knew when I was crying,

My first best friend.

There will never be another.