Friday, January 1, 2016

Happy New Year...

2016 is here...

I don't know about you but for the last 3 or 4 New Years, I've been hopeful. Thinking 'this will be the year we add to our family.'; 'this will be the year that everything comes together.'

This year I am doing my best to not get my hopes up. Let others and the Lord hold hope for me. To just have faith that everything will work out. To surrender to whatever plans the Lord has in store for me.
I told myself this morning that my Resolution Goal was to put my health first. My whole health. Spiritually, mentally, physically. I will do my best to make sure that I am making smart decisions about my health.
More quality sleep. Spending more time in my bible. Continue to take my supplements. Put my focus on good things. To take one day at a time.

I also need to work on my bitterness. Not that I am not happy for those who success and blessings have finally arrived, but it was day two of my period yesterday and I received 1 pregnancy announcement and 1 baby shower invite. It was a magical day.

As well as someone asked me how my kids enjoyed Christmas...

An honest mistake, but the comment came from someone who knows my story.

I asked "Do you mean my dog?"

"No your kids."

"Do you mean the nephews and nieces?" AKA Not My Kids.

I am happy for them, but I need to let go of bitterness for this long journey.

I used a trick I learned in therapy, last night, that helped put me right to sleep.

"Even though I am sad, I am loved. Even though I am sad, I still love. Even though I am sad, I am happy."

It worked. Like a charm. The wheels wouldn't start turning. Then once I spoke and accepted my truth, I was able to put it to bed.

For now C & I are off to our third and final 'Christmas' celebration. Then it's back home where he's of to hunt and I will clean the house/do laundry/ and watch 90's action movies. The only way to spend New Years Day.

I hope and pray that you all had a blessed and safe New Years Eve and here's to all of us in this journey. Still traveling the unknown waters of loss, frustration, but yet still full of hope or at least full of guts to keep going.

 p.s. I'll share the story of hope I heard last week, later this week.

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