I haven't really felt a lot like myself lately and have been battling the mental game that is waiting for a next cycle.
It's been hard. I'm not proud to admit but I have turned towards anger and bitterness. I just need a cleanse or a detox for the body soul and mind.
Here's the rundown of the life in the C&C house.
We applied for a debt consolidation loan. WE GOT APPROVED! Just not as much as we hoped for.
WE'LL BE DEBT FREE (in about two years) but due to this we have decided to wait till next year to try another IUI cycle, boooo.
The money just isn't there this year. As much as my heart longs for this, and desires it, unless God heals us and blesses us with a miracle, money wise we'll try again next year.
I'm half devastated realizing that the dream is put off, yet again, but honestly, part of me...a VERY SMALL PART, is somewhat relieved. No wondering if this will finally be the month or not. While I still have faith that God can preform miracles...I still feel as if we are pursing the path he has called us too.
Waiting. Using a Donor. Doing an IUI.
This year I will have time to focus on healing again. Focusing on my physical, spiritual, and mental health.
Right now it helps to have spiritual and physical goals to focus on. Spending more time in my bible as well as increase my running miles.
For right now though, I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS PINT OF ICE CREAM! lol!!