Wednesday, April 27, 2016

The Zoloft Chronicles Part 1

Yeah I'm definittley a terrible infertility blogger. LOL, I keep promising to check in and write more and talk about stuff. It's been well over a month since I last posted.

I've officially been on the zoloft for about that long. It's different. I tried the 50mg but I felt panicky and weird so I took myself down to 25mg (I recommend you talk to your doctor before changing your dose.) I did it because it was going to be a week before I saw my doctor and it did not make me feel good. I didn't want to put up with feeling on the verge of a panic attack for another week.

My doctor okayed me to stay on the 25mg, but also gave me some xanax just in case I do have a panic attack. It's only to be taken when I start to have one.

Which honestly, I know my triggers. I know how to handle most of them, so I doubt I'll ever use it. But I suppose it's just nice enough to know that I have some on hand in case it gets too bad.

I am feeling more like myself these days. Last time I was severly depressed it took almost a year to put myself back together emotionally. This time, I cut through about half the bullcrap. I am not treading the water anymore just to feel better. I actually feel better. Part of me is afraid it's false. That it's all the medicine...but I am actually brave enough to take steps to take care of myself now. Doing what I need to do to protect my heart in difficult situations.

It's helped me feel other things besides sadness and anger, but at the same time I'm also hyperaware of everything right now.

The doctor said it takes a full 8 weeks for it get in your system and level out, so I might still be adjusting.

We'll see I'll give it more time. One day at a time. One step at a time.

I think feeling better has given more energy, which is great, but now I need to not have as much caffiene. I feel weird if I have too much caffiene now.

I also realized this morning, while my feet were pounding away on the treadmill that I might not know what to do with myself now that I am no longer carrying a heavy burden on my back any longer. I'll need to find some where to put the energy that has just been restored to me.

It's weird because I can look at a facebook status about pregnancy and babies and feel nothing. Yet on my way to a in laws Gender Reveal I'm undone.
Why does this happen to us?

It's all a balancing act. For now, I am off to work. Hope you all are well.