I'm going to have to amend this to the Lexapro Chronicles part 1. LOL
I had my doctors appointment today. The Zoloft over all was working. I am way this irritable, less tearful, more happy in general which is good!
Mother's Day sucked. I took one xanax when we went out to dinner with the in laws. Now that the youngest sibling is expecting each of the mothers were able to say happy mothers day to each other.
I excused myself and made a mad dash to the bathroom. I took a few shaky breaths in the stall as I collected myself. I used tap water to take the xanax. It took the, I guess to say, heart attack feeling away. It made my head a lot less spinny. I still felt the overwhelming sadness but I as able to compose myself for the rest of the night.
I only took one. I'm on a very low dose. And boy did I sleep well. I was so relaxed when I got home. Uh! It was nice.
Overall I'm doing better. I was at a wedding of a close friend on Friday. A mutual friend of ours brought their 3 month old.
Sometimes I feel like I just want to hold all the babies in the world to fill up that little place in my heart that is so achingly empty. It worked a little bit. Just being able to hold the baby and give it kisses and twirl his tiny little hand in mine. It was nice. I didn't even hate handing him back.
Ugh, I did just end a two week period...which also was two weeks late. It could be related to the Zoloft but my doctor wasn't totally convinced, that's one of the main reasons for the switch to lexapro. Having a wonky period is a bit counterproductive to my stress & low serotonin levels. I have had 1 whole successful year of periods though! I would like to celebrate but with my uterus on the revolt for some reason I'm keeping the party small.
I live to fight another day though.
Overall I've been able to let go of the money portion of our journey again. The money will be there when it needs to be there. I'm tired of stressing about it. Wondering where it's going to come from. Right now, I can't see beyond next May. (I am kicking around the idea of running a marathon. It will be my first if I commit to it. That's a different post for a different day. The marathon is when the race is)
The end of next year which is feasibly when we'd be able to do an IUI session seems ages and ages away. We talked about getting a loan...but we'll see.
We're communicating well as a couple, financially right now. There's another blessing. Having the same goals in mind helps.
Also no longer treading the waters of the depression is helping somewhat too.
For now, we'll see how the lexapro works and go from there. Baby dust to all,