Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Back to Zoloft

The lexapro was like taking 2 steps back. I was irrediatable, my thoughts kept racing, I wanted to cry all the time. It was awful.

I'm a about 2 weeks into the zoloft again and so far no wonky cycles. We'll see how it goes from here.

Little by little I get better each day. Stronger each day.

Trying to move past the pain of infertiltiy is so slow. Right now I have these weird triggers. When people talk about parenting. I just automatically have to change the subject.

It's funny because I remember what it was like when I could barely even hold an infant without wanting to run and hide. Now If I see a baby I want to hold them and love them and just spend time with them. Of course as soon as baby starts crying, I'm ready to give them back, lol!

So I don't know what it is about this whole 'this is how I'm raising my kids', 'as a family we're excited to see them grow', 'starting summer school/vacation bible school, had to go shopping for supplies'.
Just gets me right in the center of my chest.

It's not to say that I don't have something to add to my nephew's and nieces lives. Just yesterday my brother told me that C & I gave them some good marriage adivce when they moved into together.
That filled my heart to know that someone was taking value in what I said.

Struggling a little with C as well. We just can't seem to get on the same page. Could be my depression. Could be we just REALLY need  a tune up or a vacation but in general I've been riding the struggle bus again.

Just been a few of those weeks again. Prayers would be appreciated. Prayers that I use the peace that God has given me.
Trust me, it's not all bad. It's been worse. So it's not totally and compeltely awful. I've had quite a few good laughs lately. A few good runs. I'm continuing to stay dedicated to finding a new church home. Life is okay.

Thank you for reading my thoughts. I hope and pray that you are having a good day.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

A blessing story

I wanted to share this story of encouragement I heard the other day. It is faith based. But it brought goosebumps to me.

It was an exchange between myself and friend the other day.

She was talking about how while she did struggle to conceive her first child, the second came naturally. She said 'I do what every woman does, every day. I got pregnant and had a baby. You're story will bless so many people. Whether it comes from you or another woman's womb, when you get your child it will bless so many people around you.'

Holding on to that will carry me through the next week or so.

Wherever you are, whatever your story, just know that somewhere your struggle is helping others. Hold onto hope.