Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Back to Zoloft

The lexapro was like taking 2 steps back. I was irrediatable, my thoughts kept racing, I wanted to cry all the time. It was awful.

I'm a about 2 weeks into the zoloft again and so far no wonky cycles. We'll see how it goes from here.

Little by little I get better each day. Stronger each day.

Trying to move past the pain of infertiltiy is so slow. Right now I have these weird triggers. When people talk about parenting. I just automatically have to change the subject.

It's funny because I remember what it was like when I could barely even hold an infant without wanting to run and hide. Now If I see a baby I want to hold them and love them and just spend time with them. Of course as soon as baby starts crying, I'm ready to give them back, lol!

So I don't know what it is about this whole 'this is how I'm raising my kids', 'as a family we're excited to see them grow', 'starting summer school/vacation bible school, had to go shopping for supplies'.
Just gets me right in the center of my chest.

It's not to say that I don't have something to add to my nephew's and nieces lives. Just yesterday my brother told me that C & I gave them some good marriage adivce when they moved into together.
That filled my heart to know that someone was taking value in what I said.

Struggling a little with C as well. We just can't seem to get on the same page. Could be my depression. Could be we just REALLY need  a tune up or a vacation but in general I've been riding the struggle bus again.

Just been a few of those weeks again. Prayers would be appreciated. Prayers that I use the peace that God has given me.
Trust me, it's not all bad. It's been worse. So it's not totally and compeltely awful. I've had quite a few good laughs lately. A few good runs. I'm continuing to stay dedicated to finding a new church home. Life is okay.

Thank you for reading my thoughts. I hope and pray that you are having a good day.

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